Understanding Stress Management: How to Better Manage Your Stress
No matter who you are or what you do, if you are a human with a functional brain and bodily system, you experience stress. From CEO’s to scientists to stay-at-home moms to bus drivers, stress affects us all. Because of this universally shared experience, we are bombarded with advice articles on “best ways to eliminate stress,” “how to de-stress,” and there are so many products sold that promise to help make you melt or “bust” the stress out of your life.
And while things like scrolling on Instagram, a glass of wine, eating a treat, zoning out on Netflix are indeed alleviating for taking the edge off in a singular moment, when it comes to actually getting a handle on your stress, it's a bandaid for a deeper cut- it doesn't help get to the root of the problem.
But the simple secret?
It's not actually about de-stressing or trying to eliminate the stress altogether.
In this blog post, I’m going to share A) the science behind how stress affects BOTH our mental health and our physical health, B) how you can use that knowledge to better manage your stress, and C) some of my favorite methods to manage my stress.
Understanding the science behind how stress affects us
Let's think of stress as a two-part entity: eustress and distress.
Eustress is the “good” type of stress. It's that motivating feeling that keeps us working toward a goal or a purpose. It usually involves anticipation, excitement, and elation.
Distress is the “bad” type of stress that makes the world feel overwhelming- that there's too much or too difficult of things to do, and involves worry, anxiety, and anger.
We as humans need to experiences both of these stressors from time to time- these states of being all are a part of our human experience. But when our lives are completely overrun by stress (this includes both the good and the bad aka eustress and distress)? That's when things start to unravel, taking a toll on both our mental and physical health.
Using that little graphic at the start of this section, I want you to imagine your emotions and state of being represented by a set of scales. For optimal overall health and happiness, it's best to live on a BALANCED scale. Contrary to what you might think, the goal is not to eliminate all the stressors! While it’s expected that the scales will tip from side to side during life, our aim is to mindfully lessen how extreme the scale goes in any one direction.
On the right side, we have the STRESSOR bucket. BOTH the eustress and distress go in that one, believe it or not.
Wait. Good & Bad Stress Do Similar Things to Me?
It is indeed too much of a good thing when you are constantly running around in a state of eustress. You know that feeling, where you're just feeling pumped and motivated for something? Now, imagine living in that state 24/7. Sure, that might sound nice initially because after all, who doesn't want to constantly be beaming with positivity and energy?
Think about it for a second though. Don't you normally get adrenaline rushes when that kind of feeling takes over? Buzzing, feeling alive and inspired, and like you want to do 9320928 projects, like NOW?
But constantly living at a high like that with constant adrenaline can very easily lead to a crash of adrenal fatigue and deterioration of physical health.
Adrenal fatigue is when you've essentially worn down your adrenal glands, much akin to screeching tires when you slam the gas pedal on your car too hard and quickly after flying along the road. Your constant "pumped-up" feeling demands your adrenal glands to keep producing more adrenaline to keep energizing your body, as your body will always do it's best to meet for the demands you're asking of it.
But unlike real energy, adrenaline gives you a more temporary and powerful rush that cannot be sustained. Your adrenal glands can only withstand so much and do not bounce back easily. That's why we call people who love this feeling and harp on it, adrenaline junkies- because adrenaline truly is like a drug rush and the body treats it very similarly. The highs are high but the low are really not so fun.
Chronic stress that does not get addressed also often leads to to poor gut and GI health, hormonal dysfunction, increased risk for cardiovascular issues, energy problems, and skin and hair issues.
Now, let’s look at the things that balance out the "state of being" scale.
Note that I didn't say "destressors," but rather the term "balancing out."
That's because sometimes it's unrealistic to eliminate certain stressors in your life you may not be able to control in the immediate moment. So, in the meantime, it’s best to think of it as trying to ADD things to your life to put on the other side of the scales to help level things out a bit more.
Relax. Rest. Recovery. Rejuvenate. It may not mean what you think it means.
When I was working at my miserable first job, the only thing I could muster up the strength to do when I got home was to pop on Netflix or Hulu, order Seamless, and maybe have a glass of wine. At the time, it felt like I had zero energy so I just need to veg out on my couch and do this nightly routine.
That is NOT relaxation or recovery. That is slapping a bandaid on the Stress bucket; not putting valuable weight in the Balance bucket to actually counterbalance the stress in life. We all tend do some version of this; runaway, escape. We online shop because it feels good, we have a drink or four because we need to unwind, or we numb ourselves watching episode after episode of a random show.
Choose balancers that actually give you something back.
This is behavioral patterning. The solutions and balancers we create for ourselves- we want them to be positive, reinforcing behaviors, not numbing agents or distracting highs.
Think of these balancers you want to ADD into your life as the stuff that makes your mind truly “exhale”— these are the things that will stimulate your parasympathetic nervous system. Stimulating the parasympathetic nervous system helps everything from anxiety, digestion, sleep quality, mental health, to hormonal calibration. Everyone has different little things that give them true feelings of relaxation and happiness, so it’s about finding what specifically does it for YOU.
Here are some examples that help either stimulate the parasympathetic nervous system and/or put some of those balancers in the other side of the bucket:
Fresh Air
Nature, even a brief walk outside, has immense benefits on your mental health
Breathing Exercises + Meditation
Deep abdominal breathing helps regulate + create a relaxation response from your body. Meditation has been proven time and again to help strengthen the mind’s resiliency to the effects of stress.
Touch
Human touch, hugs, massages (by someone or self), playing with animals, all help release oxytocin, an incredible fighter of stress that lowers blood pressure and cortisol levels.
CBD
While CBD does not take away the root of anxiety + stress, it is an incredible aid in alleviating the physiological response to those things— which then often helps lighten the mental burden associated with stress as well. Here is my current favorite brand I trust.
Physical Movement
While this one actually stimulates your sympathetic nervous system, the physiological reaction of your body AFTER exercise definitely help offset some of the mental weight of stress. Regular movement’s benefits are always a win-win!
Quality Human Connection
Ideally in person, but most importantly, having meaningful quality time spent with people is so important to the management of our stress. Human connection is a basic human need.
Hobbies
Relaxing into hobbies like reading, art, design, skincare, whatever it may be; it is carving out time for yourself and letting yourself get rejuvenated.
The Little Things
Admiring a sunset, appreciating spring blossoms, savoring that first cup of coffee, a little practice of gratitude, the feeling of fresh sheets; all such little, ordinary things that add to the happiness that is integral to your mental health and adding a healthy dose of balancing to your stress scales.
